I'm drive I can fine osifer
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
