I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
