If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
