when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
