Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
