I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
