dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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