My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
