if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
