You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
