Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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