you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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