I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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