Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
