I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
