ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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