You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize