dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
