At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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