remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
