I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sorry my hands just texted you
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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