I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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