You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
