first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
