i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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