"it" just moved
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
