I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
