Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
