Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
