..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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