I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
