after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
