You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
