Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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