I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No...this little piggys going to the bar
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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