I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
