my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
