If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
