I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
