I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
