***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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