She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
