just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
