im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
