No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My pussy is not your playground.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
