how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
