How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
