No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i think my mom watched the whole time
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
