There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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