I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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