I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
