how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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