Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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