did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm having to shit out rocks
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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