More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
