Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
