As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
