You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
