my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
