I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
