dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
