She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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