you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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