I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
