Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
