and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
