We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
