What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
only if we run a train.
done.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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