new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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