As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
