you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
