Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
