Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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