i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize