If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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