Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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