You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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