He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
