Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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