May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
