so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize