so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
