so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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