pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Randomize
