hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
