You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
