If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
