sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
