to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
