its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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