He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize