and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
