Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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