batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
