What a fucking waste of an outfit
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
They have beer where we have blood.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
