I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
