and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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