Can i not drive my cunt home
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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