I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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