A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
