right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
