I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize