so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
