Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
