Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
