..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
