just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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