Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
