Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
