bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
