I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
