thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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