Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize