remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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