dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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